remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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