What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
