Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
