I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
