I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
