i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
