Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
