Where did you get a picture of my penis
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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