I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
