if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
