overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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