Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
