i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
