dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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