You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
