no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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