dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
