Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
