know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
last night I used snow as a chaser
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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