I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
