she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
