if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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