wat bout pragnant strippers??
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.