their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.