i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops