had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.