I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't trust your balls anymore.