just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.