i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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