Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
