ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
