I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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