singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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