Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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