remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize