my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
