my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
