...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
