I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize