I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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