**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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