I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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