Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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