Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
