Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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