u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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