I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
50% drunk capacity currently
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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