And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
