you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
