waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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