I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
