Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
