Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
