Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
