Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
