Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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