I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize