Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
