i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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