You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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