I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
