I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was like eating out sand paper
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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