enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
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Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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