I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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