I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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