Only a mothe r could love this liver
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
being pregnant is like rehab
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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