my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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