I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
