Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
