Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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