3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
