I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
