There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
