I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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