the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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