I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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