Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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