The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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